Kankuro's SexynoJutsu
by Little Kunai
Summary: Temari gets sick and Kankuro is sent to carry out an assassination mission in his sister's place


**Kankuro's Sexy-no-Jutsu**

Disclaimer;

I do not own Naruto or Kankuro but it sure is fun torturing Kankuro! Muahahahaha!

**One Month Ago**

Temari was getting ready to take a shower, she stepped into the bathroom and let out a horrified scream! There standing in front of her was a great desert scorpion, a monstrous and incredibly rare species of eight foot long scorpions. There were few things Temari was afraid of, and scorpions ranked high on the list. It was one of her secret fears. Gaara came running, sand at the ready, thinking it was an enemy attack. Kankuro was laughing hysterically at his sister, as he dispelled the Genjutsu and his new scorpion puppet revealed itself. Temari was horrified! She had never told anyone about her secret fear of scorpions! "Kankuro!" She snarled, "You-you-you should have-hahahahahahaha-seen-the----look on your face Temari!" He laughed hysterically. "Man that diary of yours sure came in handy!"

The look on Temari's face was enough to send chills down Gaara's spine, a difficult feat in itself, especially if Temari found out he'd had a hand in it. For in one of the rare moments of bonding as children, (for Gaara had always secretly favored Temari over Kankuro,) Kankuro had Gaara use his sand to steal Temari's diary. "You read my diary?!?!" She asked, with a look that could level an army. Kankuro was laughing too hard to notice said look. Gaara decided to make a dignified retreat, but not before giving Kankuro a warning look, enough to level two armies, this one Kankuro caught. "Well, if that's all, I'm going back to finish my work." He grumbled making it sound like he was completely annoyed and unconcerned. "That's what little brothers are for Temari." He said, wiping the tears from his face, once Gaara was out of earshot. Kankuro was sure that his sister's scream could be heard all over the village, despite the howling winds.

**The Present**

"Kankuro I need to see you about your new mission." Kankuro walked in casually, he hadn't been on a mission for a month, and had resorted to playing tricks on the citizens of Suna to relieve his boredom. "There's an incredibly dangerous enemy who ordered a stripper, Temari was supposed to go in and assassinate him but since she's sick, I've asked Naruto to teach you his sexy no jutsu." Kankuro was horrified. "What? You were going to send Temari in to do some private lap dance just to kill one of our enemies?"

Gaara barely restrained himself from flinching from that mental image. He shook his head irritably as though doing so would dispel the visual he had been trying valiantly to keep away ever since his sister had been assigned for the job. "I'm Kazekage Kankuro, I cannot show favoritism for an---unsavory mission, just because she's my sister." Kankuro huffed. "Why can't you send another kunoichi instead? Why do I have to learn sexy no jutsu! Why can't Naruto do it?" Kankuro whined unhappily. Gaara shrugged, "Naruto is doing this for us on the way to another mission, he and his team are only stopping by Suna for two days to rest and restock supplies, and besides with your puppets you are a more ideal choice for the job." Kankuro grumbled.

Minutes later Naruto and his teammates, Shikamaru, Ino, and Hinata all showed up, and Gaara made sure to make them comfortable. Naruto snorted, "I still don't see why I have to teach Kankuro how to look like a girl. He'll still be an ugly bastard!" Kankuro roared angrily and darted after the laughing Naruto! "Why you-come back here you little punk!" Gaara rubbed his temples irritably at the ruckus that always seemed to ensue whenever his brother and best friend were together. "That's enough!" Naruto was still snickering, and Kankuro glowered at him, "Go put these on Kankuro, it was supposed to be Temari's disguise but…."

Kankuro's jaw dropped when he opened the package to see an orchid-colored frilly bra, and matching boa, a sheer lacy black top to put over it, spiked high heels, and a short lacy skirt that barely covered well…very important parts!!! He was going to kill Temari when this mission was through! No sister of his would ever go out in an outfit like this! Even if it was an assassination! Naruto stood in the corner of the office, chortling uncontrollably. Kankuro let out an enraged snarl, stomped off to the bathroom, and barely managed to squeeze into the skimpy outfit his sister had chosen.

Gaara had to turn away from Kankuro to keep from laughing. His lips twitched spasmodically, adding insult to injury. He and Naruto worked on the nefarious jutsu, Kankuro cursing Naruto under every breath he took, he even had the gall to glower hatefully at Gaara, who was dangerously close to laughter. Kankuro had to get this jutsu just right to avoid tearing the outfit, because Gaara had threatened him with Temari's wrath. Finally Kankuro had Temari's figure down just right, but unfamiliarity of the spiked high heels that he wore prevented him from chasing after Naruto when the obnoxious blonde remarked, "Dear Kami Kankuro! I was right! Even as a woman you're ugly! I wouldn't pay a cent!"

Next Kankuro had to learn to walk, dance, run and fight in the outfit and the ridiculously high spiked heels. Not an easy feat, he thought disgruntled, as he took dancing lessons from one of Suna's better known strippers. All this had to be done in less then a week, and Kankuro marched off to his room, refusing to come out at all.

**The Night of the Assassination**

Kankuro walked nervously with Crow, he was not a happy person and had every intention of getting this humiliating assassination over with quickly! His high heels clicked on the marble floor, and suddenly two guards blocked his way eyeing him uncertainly. "We're the strippers." Said Kankuro with an ingratiating smile. A man walked out, he had light brown hair laced with silver, dark brown eyes, he wore a suit and was smoking a cigar. He looked contemptuously at the two women. "You're not the stripper I ordered." He said suspiciously. "Yes well, the other girl came down sick." Said Kankuro, "It's company policy that you get two girls for the price of one if the girl you ordered can't make it." The man raked his body up and down, and sneered. "I guess you ladies will have to do." He motioned them in and Kankuro and Crow began to dance, it was tricky trying to tantalize the man, with tacky tasteless dances, and keep Crow moving in perfect sync with him.

When the man who was drunk finally got into it, Kankuro used Crow to shoot poisoned kunai into the man's body, a poof revealed a substitution jutsu and Kankuro cursed quietly. "Dammit! Now what the hell do I do?" Suddenly he heard a snicker, then a snort as Temari emerged video cam in one hand, and a box of tissues in another. "Gotcha!" Kankuro was livid! "What?" He asked angrily, "You mean to tell me that you went through all this trouble just to get me back?!?!" Temari high-fived Naruto. "Oh man when Temari told me what she was gonna do I just had to get in on the action!" He said laughing. "I thought you had a mission you little runt!" Kankuro sputtered. "I did, I've been done for days, and I had to see this for myself. Even Gaara was smiling as he dropped the burly body guard illusion. Temari was sure that Kankuro's scream of anger could be heard all across the desert. \


End file.
